


Smoke and feathers

by Alpi



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: F/M, Soulmate-Identifying Marks, Soulmates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-09-18
Updated: 2018-09-18
Packaged: 2019-07-13 22:41:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,002
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16027466
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Alpi/pseuds/Alpi
Summary: Percy goes through some personal struggle in a situation where celebration should be in order and before he knows what was happening his struggle comes to pay him a visit.





	Smoke and feathers

**Author's Note:**

> Before you read this I have to inform you that I am not a native speaker and therefore, you will find grammatical errors and odd use of words in this fic. I write in english because I love the language and I aim to be more proficient in using it but I’m nowhere near yet where I want to be. If you rather want to read a different fic I totally understand but if you want to help me progress I would greatly appreciate every bit of feedback you could leave in the comments whether it would be corrections of unnecessary comma placements or better choice of words or even critic at my writing style in general.  
> So without further ado, I hope you enjoy the read!

The moon loomed over the balcony in a dark sky. Percy greeted its gaze, his arms resting on the handrail, wondering. Could the moon fall on him? Disturbing thought, yet strangely comforting. Getting crushed by the moon would be greatly appreciated and Percy would have to applaud the symbolism. A truly fitting end to an up-and-down evening - up for the news, down for the implication.

The city had gone to sleep while they were celebrating. Percy managed to spot only a handful of lights lit across the city; the most had either gone out or had hidden behind shutters as did the stars in the sky as if all light were candles and a great wind had snuffed them out. The smoke forming in front of him reminded him that he had left his cigarettes in his jacket, but he couldn’t be bothered to get it. On a night like this even smoking wouldn’t comfort him; his only solace he would find in solitude as if he were back home again.

However, as the frigid winds erected every hair on his arms anew with each touch, he reconsidered and went in to get his jacket anyway. Facing the cold would just spell another defeat for the day and he couldn’t bear any more.

It was hard for him to figure out why it had dampened his mood to this extent. He never was the most jovial person but he wasn’t ever depressed either. Percy came from a prosperous family owning a vast estate with lavish decor. His father was strict but fair, his mother loving and forgiving, and he had siblings to spare, for better or worse. He always felt grateful for the fortune - both in belongings and in affection - he knew others didn’t possess. Yet, he had chosen to celebrate his gratitude in solitude, mostly by frequenting the library. Percy probably had finished more books in his life than he had started conversations with others, but he had been more than content with what he had and with what he had done with it.

This all had changed. Now, he wasn’t alone anymore even if he wanted to. But there was the thing; he didn’t want to anymore. His town had changed, his school had changed, his room had changed, his surroundings had changed… he had changed. Percy couldn’t even remember the last time he fancied a book over a silly conversation with his roommates.

Maybe this was the reason he felt sorrowful.

Inside, his new-found friends were celebrating and he was outside with only the moon to keep him company; alone once more. When push comes to shove Percy would always seek comfort in the stillness of the night; that at least had never changed. And he didn’t want that to change. He didn’t want to be around other people all the time but he feared for what would happen to him if this were to occur too often. Alone, he became thoughtful. With a topic or problem - of scientific nature preferably - to compliment it did wonders to his ingenuity. With nothing left but personal struggle however…

Percy glanced over his shoulder and peeked through the glass balcony door. Their living room had everything a student could ask for: A TV (every student needed one to survive, along with instant ramen and alcohol); a Playstation 4, not an XBox One (which Percy greatly improved for the far superior selection of exclusives) and an olive-green couch, used and slightly ragged, yet comforting. It didn’t match the luxury of his parent’s estate and for Percy’s own taste the barren walls lacked some fashionable paintings, but he was surprised by how quickly he had felt at home. When he had stood on the other side of the entrance door, taking one last deep breath to calm his nerves, he had dreaded that this period was just something he had to endure, that he had to rush to the end of his education so he could return home as quickly as possible. However, as soon as he had entered, everyone he had gotten to know, had made this nothing short of a delightful experience.  
But this period of pure elation made the fall to grief just feel so much worse.

If Percy was half the friend he thought he was, he would be sitting there on this couch drinking the by now lukewarm beer with a smile on his face that would reach from ear to ear. Scanlan was there singing one of his silly songs, hitting every note despite his state of progressed drunkenness; Pike next to him, being the reasonable one like always, making sure that matters wouldn’t get out of hand; Grog on the opposite of her, drinking twice as much as everyone else, doing everything he could to fuel every action that would make matters get out of hand and of course, there were Vax and Keyleth, lying arm in arm, fresh in love. Percy couldn’t even bear to look at the last member of their group. Too much pain.

Instead, he looked at the sky once more. A cold breeze howled through the clean air. Percy shivered despite his jacket, yet he still didn’t feel in the mood for smoking. It was odd to him that something that he knew his whole life could affect him so much. Soulmarks was a concept he knew since he was seven years old - the year when he had received his. Even back then he pondered over its purpose and years later of careful contemplation he came to a conclusion: It was cruel and therefore not worth researching or pursuing. 

Somehow, in some way, which Percy could neither explain nor put into any reasonable context or scientific concept, every human being ever obtained at an age between five and eight a Soulmark - an artistic image randomly placed anywhere on one’s body expect the head - which was unique only to him and the other person which matched his in form but not necessarily in placement. This person would grow up to become his Soulmate, a person he would love his whole life. Percy hated it. Not because he didn’t want to be loved but because it didn’t make sense. He had read a lot of books in his life, both fantasy and textbooks, and in the world he lived in, where everything could either be explained or could someday be explained, the notion of Soulmates seemed so out of place. It appeared more like magic than science and it, therefore, frustrated Percy beyond belief, which is why he had abandoned even the slightest contemplation about it years ago from his brain. It wasn’t explicable, it was beyond his control, so it was nothing he wanted to deal with.

But now he couldn’t stop thinking about it. Which creature was spiteful enough to create such a concept? Sure, it sounded romantic at first, but when you glanced past the facade you discovered a glut of problems. Having a person “reserved” at a very young age might save one the trouble of finding one’s significant other, yet, one could achieve the same result without Soul marks. They would definitely be more recognizable with one than without, but in a way, it’s the same game of chance. You had to wait and the wait could consume you if you weren’t careful enough. 

A million different questions flooded Percy’s brain at once. How were you supposed to live your life until you meet your soulmate? What if you would meet her as recently as fifty years down the road? Were you allowed to have other relationships until then? Were you even able to love somebody else or will it just be something you mistake for love because you never had the pleasure of experiencing genuine love yourself? And if you happened to be in a relationship when your soulmate comes around, are you obliged to give it all up? 

And yet, as he observed Vax and Keyleth - the genuine laughter, the tight embrace, the warming comfort, the loving eye contact - it all seemed worth it in the end. Not but four hours ago, they weren’t even aware of their feelings for the other but now they seemed head over heels, just after one single glance at each other’s Soulmark. If Percy had to declare something as magic this was truly it. 

He turned back around, his hands resting on the railing. He couldn’t look for too long before it began to hurt. It wasn’t the fact that he wasn’t happy for them because he was. That was the truth. However, something else bothered him. For so long, he had ignored his feelings for others; not because he was callous, but because of this moment right now. The sorrow brought by it if he was to confront them. This group brought him so much joy, one person in particular, the person he normally would share these kinds of evenings with. Yet, she was the last person he wanted to see right now.

Dark clouds had formed around the moon, obscuring the defunct stars that had shone so brightly the day before. The shutters were closed, the remaining lights had gone out, the night was still and devoid of life. Percy peeked into a darkness and observed the streets. A single beam of light greeted him in the distance: Barney’s Beer Bar, a nightclub with the laziest name Percy had ever heard. It was located few blocks down the street from their apartment and had the reputation for being extremely sordid, yet it was one of the most well-attended bars in the whole city for its cheap prices, long hours and close proximity to the college. Despite the weekday, it bravely fought for the night that would never end. Percy found it to be stupid. Even for them, the sun would inevitably rise.

Yet, he envied the endurance and to some extent carelessness. If anything, Percy cared too much for what would happen if he slacked or let himself go. Those people in there, however, probably didn’t have a single doubt in their mind that tomorrow would just be as great and successful even with a hangover. Their life was either simpler or they made it simpler. Either way, Percy wasn’t in the position to judge them. In many ways, he probably made matters more complicated for himself than they had to be.

He shook his head. When had his thoughts became so… depressing? This was what happened if he contemplated too much. This was why he had abandoned all desire for feelings once before. They were just in a way. His mind was constructed to solve convoluted problems; everything else was just leading him astray from the path leading to the brilliant academic he knew he could become. 

Percy tried to organize his thoughts, banishing the unnecessary ones and study the important ones (the questions that normally would work his minds at any given moment). Yet, he kept glancing at that stupid club. Every time he tried to distract himself, his attention shifted once more. He couldn’t keep it out of his head. This one question creeping into his mind. This one question that caused all his sorrow. This one question that when left unanswered, he knew, would never allow his mind any respite: “Are you allowed to fall in love with someone who you knew carried another Soulmark?” 

Of course, it wouldn’t be a day in Percy’s life if they day had ended like this. It had to become worse. The sliding door shrieked behind him as it was opened. Small and careful footsteps approached him and without turning around he knew immediately to whom they belonged: The walking and talking reminder of his sorrow.

“You’re aware it’s miserably cold outside?” Vex joined his side and leaned backwards against the railing. “Do you have any idea how long you’ve been out here?”

“No clue,” Percy answered dryly. He stood up straight and upon stretching, his entire back began to noticeably crack. He was indeed longer outside than anticipated. “Sorry, I left early. I didn’t expect to stay absent for so long.” He forced a smile out of him. “Let’s get back inside before the party is over. You’ll also catch a cold outside without a jacket.”

“I’m sorry but I’m afraid it’s too late for that,” she said sadly.

“You’re already ill?”

“No, not that,” Vex nudged her head towards the interior. “Grog already left and Pike and Scanlan went to bed shortly after.”

Percy flinched like she just had given him the greatest scare. For just a moment, he hesitated to turn dreading to see what it would reveal. He waited desperately for some kind of humorless joke to present itself. Normally, Vex would soon crack a devious smile if it was one of her jabs, but she stayed unmoved. Instead, she shook her head like she knew exactly what he was trying to glean from studying her. It left him no choice; he turned around.

It was the truth. The living room was nearly abandoned. Instead of guests the big couch was occupied by empty snack bags and dented beer cans, which were slowly discarded one by one by Vax and Keyleth, who had more eyes for each other than for what they were reaching. 

Percy let himself fall against in the railing next to Vex. “I can’t believe I was the party pooper.”

“You weren’t. We still had great fun.”

“Tell me all about it.” He said it facetiously but he wasn’t opposed to hearing more about the evening, especially when it came out of her mouth. He was just relieved that he hadn’t dragged someone down with his sudden sorrow. With one swift motion, he retrieved his two remaining cigarettes out of his pocket and offered Vex one of it. “Need one? Because I most certainly do.”

She agreed and shortly after both were puffing smoke as dark as the clouds in the sky. It had never occurred to Percy that he would become a smoker one day - but then again, it never occurred to him that he would meet someone for whom he would start it for. It was truly puzzling. Every time he was near her, he was relishing in the aura of bliss and comfort she was emanating, while also experiencing a crackling tension unique to only her which never seemed to dissipate. It was like he wanted to be simultaneously as close to her and as far from her as possible. A conundrum.

It was Percy who broke the silent coexistence. “Why did you not let me know that I was missing out?”

Slightly startled, like she just got woken from daydreaming, Vex tentatively answered. “You appeared lost in thoughts. We didn’t want to disturb you.”

“Probably for the better.”

As she was rubbing her hands she glanced at him. “Can I ask you what you were thinking about?”

“I contemplated over how I could break to you that I want to quit smoking,” he lied.

“Nothing to break your mind over. It’s probably for the better. I would do the same if I knew that I endure it for more than ten days before starting again.” A cheeky grin crossed her face. “Better you stay away from me then before I become a hazard to your health.”

“You couldn’t be one even if you tried.” Percy removed his jacket and offered it to her. “And I’m certain if I can do it you could too if you set your mind on it.”

Vex looked at his jacket confused. “Why are you handing me this?”

“Don’t think I don’t see you shivering around.”

She tried to convince him that she wasn’t cold but failed miserably and one knowing look was enough for her to realize that she was exposed. Shaking her head but smiling she put the jacket on. “You’re so stubborn.”

It never took long before her smile invited him to do the same. “I’m stubborn? You’re the one pretending not to freeze,” Percy said.

“We could just get inside and fetch me my jacket.”

“But your room’s way too far away.”

“Like 15 meters.”

“Which are 15 too many.”

“I could also just go by myself.”

“And leave me alone?”

Vex shook her head again “I would come back.”

“Come on, don’t ruin this moment. Look around you.” Percy made an extravagant sweep towards the sky. “It’s astonishing.” A few dark clouds had slowly begun to drift away revealing specks of sparkly stars underneath. The moon was casting dimly illuminated light onto the entire city which made it look beautiful for the first time since he had moved here. While before he had been talking in wild excitement more to the entire world, the stunning image before him made him realize the intimacy of this moment and his voice became quieter and softer. Percy wasn’t talking to the world any longer, only to her. “Please stay.”

“Fine,” Vex agreed. She joined his sight, taking in all there is to take in about the view before she slightly leaned against him and whispered: “Fifty bucks you’re shivering in two minutes.”

“I’m no betting man.”

“Like hell, you’re not.” 

Percy laughed sincerely and that he didn’t do often. It was hard for most people to achieve such a reaction from a highbrow and to a certain extent pretentious individual like him, but she seemed to do it with a flick of her wrist. It appeared like she was dealing with a different kind of person, one whos kind, humble, humorous and gentle; like a person even he would like for once.

He looked over at her: Her long black hair wound into a trim plait, her soft pale skin illuminated by the moonlight and her prominent green eyes glowing with the reflection of the moon. Of course, Percy was aware that on her right shoulder a yellow moon was depicted which differentiated quite a bit from the two blue feathers in twirling black smoke on his lower back, but he also knew that he would do everything for her even if they weren’t meant to be together. 

Sometimes he wondered if this was a challenge about loyalty towards his future soulmate; if she was some kind of ruthless test by the universe or by whatever sadistic being invented this mad procedure. Whatever it was, Percy cursed it and his own life because the women standing at his side was perfect.

His attention shifted towards the cigarette in his hand which he had barely touched. He observed it for a few seconds as it was faintly burning away by itself and declared that it would suffice for what he had in mind. Percy couldn’t help but utter a quiet chuckle which disturbed the silent air just enough to grab the attention of his perceptive smoking partner. He met her eyes. “Last one?”

Vex appeared confused for just a second before you could visibly see the gears in her head turning. Her gaze shifted back and forth between her cigarette and Percy, contemplating or maybe even procrastinating, but she soon noticed the solemnity expressed in his look which left her no choice. “Last one,” she declared.

They nudged their cigarettes together like they would chink glasses before the departure of a new chapter in their lives. “To good health,” she said.

“To good health,” he repeated. That he was more concerned about her health than his he kept to himself.

Guarantee that they would succeed in their endeavors, at least in this one, was certain. Percy believed it, even tho believing was alien to him. It even manifested itself as clarity in his throat which is why he had to speak it out loud: “I believe we can do this. It’s such a punny obstacle to best. Would be ridiculous if we weren’t able to overcome this together. And just because we’re quitting smoking, doesn’t mean that we can’t meet here any longer. It’s not like smoking was the reason we went out here every other night in the first place. There’s so much more to gain from this and I would immensely miss this here if we were to quit this also. I mean, look how-” He stopped abruptly. In his ramblings, Percy didn’t notice that Vex was staring at him. He met her gaze with his and - There it was! The crackling tension. All the cold he might’ve felt vanished and the heat rushed in his cheeks. Like a deer in the headlines, they froze, neither making a move or looking away. It was in moments like these, where the knowing adult disappeared leaving a clueless child behind. Percy had no idea how to deal with this circumstance. The eye contact already stretched to an agonizing amount of seconds and the situation became more and more awkward with each passing moment. In his mind, reason and intuition were fighting over the controls leaving him paralyzed. What should he do?

“Can I interrupt you two lovebirds for just a second and ask for your undivided attention?”

Both startled out of their state of trance simultaneously and diverted awkwardly their gaze to something that wasn’t the other.

Vax had seemingly appeared out of nowhere, like he always did, leaning casually against the doorframe. Only he would know how long he had been standing there. “I want to shut the door because we’re freezing to death inside,” he continued once he got their full attention, “but before I do I wanted to wish you both a good night.”

“Good night,” both said in unison.

The smile, which hadn’t left his lips for hours, grew even wider. “Sleep well and don’t rove about here for much longer. Tomorrow’s important.”

“Don’t worry, we’ll be lying in bed in no time,” Vex promised her brother.

“I bet you do,” Vax said with a smirk.

The following chuckle of her brother made Vex narrow her eyes as if she tried to discern something far, far away. She didn’t seem to grasp what the cause of the sudden smirk of her brother was, like she was completely oblivious to her own implication, while Percy was ready to curl up and die out of shame right then and there. He certainly picked out the same subtext from her statement as her brother did and to make matters worse, the realization had caught him mid-puff flooding his lungs with more unhealthiness than usual. The barking cough didn’t help to make the situation any less uncomfortable.

“Everything alright there, bud?” Vax asked.

Percy put up one finger and took the moment to recover his control over his lungs, coughing slowly but surely less and less before his air passages were free once more. He remembered now why he hated smoking. With a breath of fresh air, he regained his posture and his voice. “I’m fine. Thanks.”

“I hope it wasn’t something I said,” he said, his guilty smirk still evident on his face.

Percy scowled at him. “Let’s just change the subject before it happens again.” Vax was having way too much teasing, normally his sister’s habit. He had been the more serious and broody type for as long as Percy had known him, but it seemed that love could bring light to even the darkest of places. On any other day, Vax would be protecting her sister from any kind of harm, even the smallest of threats. Some would call it over-protecting, Percy called it the annoyance of unconditional brotherly love. 

“I’m confused,” Vex declared with a fitting face to back it up.

Vax laughed. “You’re sauced, stubby.”

“I’m not.”

“If you weren’t you would feel the beautiful awkward tension in the air.”

“Tension? Awkward?” She looked at Percy. “What is he talking about?”

“That he’s a dick who’s feasting on me stumbling. So can we switch topics to end my suffering? Please?”

The fact that she wasn’t involved in something angered Vex which quickly resulted in a stomp. The wood under her boot gave out a creaking cry. Vax took notice and changed his demeanor. “Fine. It’s only fun tormenting you until she gets mad anyway.” Allowing her sister to calm her brief fury looking at the sky he diverted his full attention to Percy. “Is there something particular you’d like to bring up?”

“To be honest, yes. I’m happy that I got to see you again before you would flee to your room because I wanted to tell you something.”

Shook to attention he blinked multiple times in quick succession, looking over his shoulder for just a second. It appeared that Vax only just now remembered why he had come out here in the first place. “And what is it?”

“Congratulations again. To you and Keyleth, I mean. What happened today was wonderful and I didn’t want to tarnish your experience by being moody. Just know that I wasn’t trying to be a problem and hopefully, me leaving wasn’t a problem in itself. I just… I wasn’t feeling well. I-”

Vax held up a finger to silence him. “As much as I take enjoyment from hearing you fumble for words for once, I’m in a way too good of a mood to not be generous tonight. I see what you’re getting at and as much as I appreciate the gesture there’s nothing you need to apologize for. I, more than anyone, can relate to how your feeling right now. This gloom I see around you I felt for years and I constantly asked myself if this would all be worth it…” He leaned forward slightly, smiling even brighter. “But let me tell me one thing, it’s worth it. Believe me.”

Percy nodded. “Fine. I’ll take your word for it.”

“However,” he began to say, “before you get to your own destination you can be sure that I - as the good friend that I am - will accompany you on your journey… by teasing you every possible second, of course.”

Percy couldn’t help but smile. “I wouldn’t expect anything less, but before…,” he pointed behind him, “take good care of your lady first.”

Vax looked over his shoulder. Keyleth stood at the bottom of the stairs, book in one hand and the other grasping the railing. Her red hair flowed in red waves behind her and her pale face showed slightly blushed cheeks. She was smiling and with that, the whole room seemed to glow with the radiance she emanated. 

“I will,” Vax whispered under his breath, the fondness in it clearly audible.

“Good Luck,” Percy added with a cheeky smile.

“You too,” he said with a wink. Again; generally something only Vex would do. Then he left, vanishing with Keyleth hand in hand upstairs. 

Vex approached him from the side. She didn’t seem bothered that her brother hadn’t addressed her again; hell, she didn’t even seem to be angry at all anymore. Like a cat, she inspected Percy with a curiosity as if he was some fascinating object she had seen for the first time. It made him uncomfortable. 

“What are you doing?” he asked. 

“You’re blushing,” she answered. “Why?”

“Because it’s cold.”

“No, that’s not it. You’re really uncomfortable.”

“Yes, maybe because you look at me like some scientist who’s ready to dissect his research object.”

“No, that’s not it either.”

“For someone who’s so perficient in uncovering deceit, you’re pretty lackluster in discerning obvious undertones by your brother today.” Percy took a drink from a beer can, he didn’t know he still held and sighed audibly. “It was for what he said in the end.”

“What did he say in the end?” she asked, looking generally clueless.

This time, Percy leaned closer, making her uncomfortable. “You really are drunk, aren’t you?”

“No!” she declared with a foot stamp.

Percy smiled. “Maybe I should consult the police for what I’m to do with an underage lady who clearly consumed quite a large amount of alcoholic beverages, to a point where her basic understanding of human interaction is at risk.”

“I’m neither fumbling for words nor lisping nor have I trouble to hold my balance; therefore am I not drunk,” Vex pointed out.

“Prove it.”

“How?”

“Walk a straight line.”

She tilted her head, looking more than displeased. “Really?”

“How else can I prove to myself that I have grown up to the responsible adult my father wanted me to be, if not by making sure my friend’s health isn’t in danger?”

Vex rolled her eyes but actually did as she was bid. She placed her own can on the handrail but left the still smoking cigarette in her hand. With arms outstretched and even closing her eyes, she carefully, yet gracefully, placed one foot in front of the other and walked the way from one end of the balcony to the other, finishing the walk with a rotation. “Ta daa,” she said opening her eyes again. “How did I do?”

“Terrible,” Percy said, even though he had barely been paying attention. He hadn’t looked at her feet but at her, wondering how such a girl came to be friends with him. She was way too attractive to have any right to actually laugh at his jokes. However, for some reason they were spending each night together, alone, on the balcony, smoking and laughing, for the last weeks and just for that he had to be grateful for. He will never have the fortune of being with her but he was fortunate enough to be around her, be a friend to a woman who objectively graced perfection but for him had already succeeded. That had to be enough for now. 

“You’re most definitely drunk,” he added.

Vex rolled her eyes once more. “Well, as long as you’re not taking advantage of me, I should be fine.”

“I would never do that,” Percy said with more sincerity than he had intended.

The statement hung in the air like an unpleasant smell, too hard to ignore. Both locked eyes; hers warm, his full of regret. Vex opened her mouth to speak but closed it shut the moment Percy tore himself away. Instead, she joined his side at the handrail, letting the silence sit, allowing the wind to do all the talking for a while.

At last, she found the courage to speak. “Can I ask you something?”

“Hm?”

“What were you thinking about before I joined you on the balcony?” She turned towards him, her face serious. “And this time you tell the truth.”

Percy smiled wryly. “You do seem to know everytime someone is lying to you, don’t you?”

“It appears to be easier with you than with others, but yeah, pretty much.”

“Well, then remind me not to lie to you again… Not that I intended to do that extensively, of course.” He chuckled, but then gave a loud sigh, fog forming in front of his mouth. “I was just thinking about Soul marks and in a way I hadn’t thought about them in many, many years. Too many questions, not enough answers. Too many uncertainties with not that great a payoff it seems. I mean, your brother gave me his word that it’s all worth it in the end and I believe him… at least I want to; yet, it doesn’t help me feel any better right now, at this moment. Soulmarks... Soulmarks are cruel.” With the word cruel his voice broke just a tiny bit, not noticeable for ordinary people, but the person next to him was nothing but ordinary.

The night had arrived in full force. The dark clouds had vanished completely, unveiling a starlit sky, each shining in a brilliant white light. With every spoken word, the exhaled breath glittered with the white light from above and the yellow light from the street posts below like its only little universe. The moon had ascended to his highest point, spotlighting onto them right from aloft as if he had prepared the stage for them to speak.

Then Vex began to open up. 

“I know what you mean. For most of my life, my brother and I were seen as twins only for appearances, not as characters. On the surface, we are in that aspect completely different, but what most people don’t see is that we often share the same fears. He’s just more open about addressing them, I guess. I, on the other hand, keep them buckled up inside, only for them to burst at night to fill my mind with all these questions. What am I to do until I meet my soulmate? How long do I have to wait? 20? 30? 40 years? Do I have to stay a nun till he comes around or can I engage in other relationships? And if you only ever truly love your Soulmate am I even capable of loving somebody else?” She looked to the ground as if ashamed by her words. “I’m sorry. It’s stupid.”

“It’s not.” Percy had been staring at her the whole time, unbelieving. He had never seen this side of her. The one questioning, doubting,... vulnerable. All this time, he saw in her the strong, uplifting personality that probably everyone else saw, even though he probably had spent the most time with her only short of her own brother. He almost wanted to kick himself for not recognizing that she had her own problems too. And not just problems, the same problems as he himself. She was asking herself the same exact the questions he did… All but one.

“Do you ever ask yourself if you’re allowed to fall in love with someone who you knew carried another Soulmark?” Percy asked.

Vex looked up, met his gaze, her eyes slightly watering. “Yes.”

A gust of wind blew by carrying an electric crispness. Their cheeks blushed as their eyes locked, impossible to tear away as if the other had captured their gaze with an iron grasp. White and grey smoke formed in front of them as they shared breaths. Their hands lost all tension dropping their respective cigarettes over the handrail, never to be seen again. Beer cans hit the ground on the other side spilling their content on the floor, releasing a sour odor into the cool air, which both of them were unable to perceive at that moment. Yet, as their arms grew lax their bodies went stiff, barely short of erupting with tension. Heat rose to Percy’s head and the chill he felt all night went away in a flash.

Twice now in a single day, he felt the crackling tension.

What was he to do now? Vax wouldn’t show a second time to release them. Percy couldn’t look away so he had to do something, but what? He had very little experience and even less success when it came to these sort of things. On top of that, every part of his body revolted against this. It was like kissing a married woman; Vex was technically spoken for to the man who shared her Soulmark, a man who wasn’t Percy. Yet, who would know when he would show up? Until then, they could have a fulfilling relationship. But isn’t what they have now precious enough to not preserve it? What if he messed it all up with one move? Could he really do this with good conscience? Could he do it at all?

Then, he simply followed his heart for the first time in his life and kissed her.

As much as Percy would’ve liked to tell a tale of a perfect first kiss he would much rather tell the truth. It wasn’t like his experiments. Nothing to be prepared for, nothing to be calculated. It was impulsive and therefore, everything a first kiss should be. Tentative, messy and short. During the brief time, dozen upon dozen of thoughts flooded his mind each planting a small seed of doubt. He pulled away suddenly unsure and saw Vex with her eyes wide open looking as surprised as he himself by his bold move. Bold, yet completely fatuous it seemed. Percy had just ruined it all, hadn’t he? He had misread a girl’s intent, had misinterpreted her feelings and had acted against her will. Now, he had to live with his shame. How is he ever supposed to fix th-

Vex kissed him back.

This time, she took the initiative. While the first one really felt like a first kiss, the second one didn’t feel at all like a second kiss. It was exuberant, passionate and loving as if they had devoted their entire life until now to prepare for this one moment. Percy was overwhelmed. Hormones were released into his body he didn’t know he had, suffusing him with bliss. His mind stopped thinking, his movements became instinctive. He grabbed her waist and pulled her closer as the wind played his last song, leaving the two lovers in silence.

When both pulled back they were breathless. Breathing heavily they faced each other as if in a standoff. Suddenly, Percy’s shoulder went slightly wet. Up in the sky, new clouds had materialized themselves as if out of thin air, releasing a copious shower of rain. Where had they come from? How long had they been kissing? As he looked down again he found Vex biting her lower lip, grinning. In a blink of an eye, she grabbed his hand and lead him inside after her. 

Slowly they made their way up the stairs, intertwining every few steps to exchange kisses. Once, Vex was at risk to fall but Percy’s grip on her was too tight to let her fall. At the top, Percy was dragged into his room. Smart choice. Her room was too close Vax’s room who has ears like a bat, his, however, was right next to Scanlan who was nosy but also slept like an elephant. 

Of course, it was untidy. Soot-covered clothes in one corner, sweat-drenched ones in the other, tongs and other tools scattered around. Percy was not the person who cared much for tidiness as long as there was a system to the chaos. Cleaning once a week proved to be sufficient for him as long as he didn’t expect any visitors and he definitely didn’t expect one today. But hey, at least the bed looked nice… which was all Vex seemed to care about as she pushed Percy onto it. 

She had climbed him before he realized, pinning him to the bed. Before, Vex was seemingly just as shy as Percy was himself about their first interactions, hesitant to make the first move; but as Percy finally had the courage to strike first, she appeared to be freed from her shackles. Now she operated with all the confidence one was used to from her. She took the lead, teased, giggled, whispered into his ear and kissed with abandon. Vex was a girl who knew what she wanted and for some reason, it was him. And Percy liked it. 

Not looking, he reached over his shoulder, fumbling in the first drawer of his dresser and quickly retrieved a package of condoms, untouched. He pulled out one.  
Vex chuckled. “I see you were prepared.”

“You know me. I always prepare for the extremely unlikely,” Percy answered smiling.

That earned him another kiss. Percy felt how his blood flow was redirected and was at once glad that he had constrained himself from consuming too much alcohol. Vex grabbed his shirt and lifted it over his head, dropping the condom that had laid on top of it to the floor. As he leaned over to the side trying to snatch this “vital part of human intercourse”, as his mother had called it in a very embarrassing conversation covering sex education back when Percy was 12 years old, a top was dropped directly onto it. A familiar chuckle followed.

“This isn’t funny,” Percy said.

“I think it is very funny,” Vex said.

“Do you have any idea what such an action does to a man? This is a cruel case of stalling, punishable in my eyes.”

“Buh-huh. A pretty girl relieved herself from her top sitting on top of me. I’m such a poor man,” she said in poor imitation.

“Oh, now we’re already calling ourselves pretty, huh? Be careful, too much ego inflames the black powder over there.”

“Okay then, Mister Casanova, turn around for one second and judge yourself.”

Percy rolled his eyes but did as he was bid. He hadn’t noticed that she had unwoven her braid. Most of her hair, still slightly damp from the rain, flowed behind her back in soft curls nearly reaching her lower back. A few strains hanged in front framing her face and highlighting her eyes which seemed to glisten like the stars outside. Percy’s eyes traced a strain of hair to her upper body and saw breasts, that even hidden behind a bra, had already surpassed his expectations. And despite her alleged hate for sports and love for sweets her waist had curves that were pleasant look at and not in the least bit unsightly.

It was the first Percy has seen her like this. They meant to visit the swimming pool together as a group but something always came amiss, so seeing her like this now in this situation left Percy nearly stunned. He as a person was already drawn to her as a person. Her character, her charm, her laugh; but for her to be this beautiful and attractive made him for the first time really want her. He as a man wanted her as a woman and he was keener than ever now to find this damn condom.   
Vex put up her arms, hands outstretched as if presenting herself. “And?”

“Okay, yeah, you’re pretty gorgeous,” Percy answered.

She smiled satisfied. “Told you.”

“Don’t get to full on yourself,” he said as leaned back over. Where did it go? Vex had just dropped a top on it and the condom seemed to have vanished into another dimension. Percy groped blindly under the bed, shook out the top, squinted with one eye closed under the rug but all he found was proof that he had to be more thorough with the cleaning of his black powder. Frustrated, he shook his head nearly knocking off his glasses. He had to continue the search later; this pause already took too long. Stretching he reached once more for the pack of condoms. It seemed wasteful for him bu-

He heard soft sobs.

Immediately, Percy turned and found Vex with her head down, clearly the source of the sobs. What had happened? Why was she crying? It was merely a few seconds when he had shifted his attention away from the powerful, smiling and confident Vex. Now, she looked as if paralyzed, gaze locked onto one spot as one small tear crawled down her cheek. Percy wanted to ask her what was wrong, what had happened, what he had done wrong, but the words wouldn’t leave his mouth. As he tried to open his mouth nothing came out of it. Seeing her like this hurt him and to think it was perhaps his fault left him as struck as her. He didn’t know what to do, more than before, so he followed her gaze. She was looking at his lower back, at his Soul mark. His stomach began to tighten. Percy had completely forgotten about this. And it seemed the same for her. It was nothing you could just forget or even should, for it was the visible proof that this was wrong… but why had it felt so right then? Percy was conflicted and where there were no words before, now they spilled out of him.

“Maybe we can cover it up,” he suggested and immediately regretted it the moment the words had left his mouth. “I’m sorry, I mean…” He sighed heavily. “I know what you think. This is wrong and I’m an idiot. I should’ve never kissed you, I should’ve known better than that. I was aware that you carried a different Soulmark and I did it anyway. If it makes you feel any better it was 100% my fault, so you shouldn’t feel bad about. I-”

“You idiot,” she said.

Percy looked at her bewildered. She was smiling. “Why…?” he was able to stutter quietly before Vex met his gaze, eyes sincere, and turned her back towards him. There, on the same spot as his, depicted in dark blues and greys a puff of smoke stretched from her waist to her backbone where two feathers rested peacefully as if in a nest. The most beautiful image Percy had ever seen. He was unable to take his eyes from it, awestruck to immobility, nearly unconsciousness. Was this real?

“These tears weren’t of grief, they were of joy,” Vex said softly.

This sentence breathed life into Percy once more and invigorated him even beyond that as if a part of him was now awake which had slumbered since he was born. He embraced Vex tightly and he felt her warm hands wrapped around his naked back. “How is this possible? Your shoulder? You-?”

“Platonic. My brother has the same,” she whispered into his ear.

“You can have two Soul marks?” he asked incredulously.

Vex snorted. “You have two yourself and apparently, you haven’t even noticed.”

Percy entangled from their embrace and looked at her, hands resting on her shoulders. “What? Where?”

Vex cupped his neck with one hand, indicating the spot by lightly tapping it with her index finger. “Right there at the end of your hairline. It’s very small, which I had found curious but I didn’t question it much for I only ever saw my own and the Soul marks of my brother, so I just guessed that some could just be tiny.”

Percy frowned, thinking. “But why do I have two?”

Vex whipped the single tear from her cheek. “Perhaps, your connection to one of your siblings is stronger than you have imagined.”

His frown deepened. “How have I never noticed?”

“Does it matter?” she asked, grinning.

With that, Percy shook himself from his rumblings and realized was once more what had happened. Vex, the women he had adored since he first met her and had felt in love with shortly after, was meant for him; fate or destiny or whatever you want to call it had chosen her to be his Soulmate. And not only that: He had chosen her and she had chosen him before they even had known. Immediately, Percy kissed her once more, relishing the powerful emotion which was set free when their lips touched. 

Instinct took over at this point; he rolled around so she lied on the bottom, pinning her to the bed. Vex laughed. “Where did that came from?”

She tried to tease him as she always had when they were together and Percy usually would play along, but not now. All his life he had hated himself for who he was. Percy knew of his qualities, but none he thought were to be found in his personality, so how did a person with such a pure heart fall for him? He had to ask her later, but now was not the moment for it. This moment was in no need for words; they both knew how this night had influenced both their lives for the better and how it would continue to do so until her hair would be as white as his. However, Percy still had to say something: “You are beautiful.” His words were sincere but it wasn’t the three words he first meant to say. He won’t say them, not yet.

Her face softened and without another word but a wordless understanding they continued where they had stopped, letting their passion and their desire for each other take over for they had all their life to talk but this night was unique, one to remember and never to forget; the night they had met their Soulmate.


End file.
